My family’s a circus. And not in a cool Cirque De Soleil, Europeans in metallic spandex soaring above the heads of gawking tourists kind of way.
So why am I telling you this?
As the leaves turn brown and the nights close in, we all find ourselves trapped in a house together for Thanksgiving. Our family get togethers put the Ringling Brothers to shame.
That is, if they still existed.
Which, it turns out they don’t.
Yes, that’s right, it’s the holiday season. And while Hallmark’s pictures of roaring fires and carrot-featured snowmen come to life… I’m mentally preparing for our annual cranberry-infused MMA match between Aunt Judy and Cousin Peter, punctuated by too much turkey and not heading into the bathroom for at least 45 minutes after Grandad.
My therapist gave me some sage advice on the topic. “A light tone and gracious attitude go a long way.” But you and I both know the best way to get through the holidays with family…
Here are my top five tips and tricks for how to ease through the holiday season with some help from Heidi’s little helper, cannabliss:
- Getting up there in age Grandpa:
Grandpa’s wild tales of growing up in the country have been stuck on repeat for the last 25 years.
We get it, you preferred Grandma’s best friend, Kathy, but she ran away with her Uncle!
To avoid catching Zzz’s midway through Grandpa’s yearly appearance on your own private episode of Dr. Phil, arm yourself with a fresh brewed cup of bulletproof coffee complete with 10 mg of cannabutter.
This smooth perk will help you stay alert and focus on Grandpa mistaking your family for a “safe-space” group therapy session.
- Judgmental Judy
Aunt Judy never had any kids of her own so she feels the need to hassle everyone else’s.
Every conversation with her feels like you accidentally walked into the CIA’s holiday party and won a raffle to a free interrogation.
To avoid saying something that encourages Judy to drive a truck over your life choices, invoke the 5th by stuffing your face with a few 15 mg infused brownies.
- Ivy League Irwin
With an impressive one and a half semesters under his belt, cousin Irwin has become the political jockey of the family. He has no problem inserting laws, politicians, and his opinion into every discussion.
Especially when there is blame to be had.
Which it turns out is always.
For everyone’s sake, help this budget Wolf Blitzer chill out with a couple servings of 8 mg infused olive oil vegan caprese.
- Stranger Steve
Cousin Steve hasn’t shown up for a family event since the Backstreet Boys were on tour.
Your only talking point is a toy dinosaur the two of you shared in your toddler years. Which he still denies breaking. (Wish you weren’t such a liar Steve!)
Why make awkward conversation about the weather until your inevitable disagreement about the demise of Mr. Doyouthinkhesaurus comes to a head, when you can bond over rice krispie treats lightly infused with a mere 4 mg?
Awww, if the plastic brachiosaurus could see you now. He’d be so proud.
- Cool Carrie
Finally a relative you can stand.
Fashionably late and ready to start the real party, cool Aunt Carrie finally shows up to the shindig.
Carrie will be most impressed to hear how you handled all the other relatives and what strains you have already sampled without her.
Treat your cool aunt to an evening walk and smoke before dinner. Layer up in big jackets and take them off in the mudroom to reduce smells.
Whatever you do, don’t guess at the potency of your edibles.
Grab a tCheck device and know the strength of your treats in under 6 minutes. Since you read our whole Thanksgiving day rant, we’d like to offer you 25% off your tCheck order. Just use promo code ‘CANNABLISS’ at checkout. Offer good until December 20th.
Save money, know your potency, and remember to set a book of matches in the bathroom for Grandpa.
Happy holidays from the tCheck family to yours!
Author: Heidi Wong